Influx of drunk birds prompts Minnesota police chief to issue statement

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GILBERT, Minn. — Young. Tipsy. Travelling “under the influence.”

The Gilbert, Minnesota, Police Department issued a statement to address a growing problem in the small city.

Drunk birds.

“The Gilbert Police Department has received several reports of birds that appear to be ‘under the influence’ flying into windows, cars and acting confused,” Police Chief Ty Techar wrote in the statement.

No, no one is intentionally slipping booze to the city’s birds.  According to Tuesday statement, this unusual case of flying while intoxicated can be traced back to berries.

Certain berries in the Gilbert area have begun to ferment sooner than expected due to an early frost.

Many birds have not yet migrated south, and those still in town have been eating the berries up and, according to police, getting “a little more ‘tipsy’ than normal.'”

Techar notes that younger birds’ livers can’t handle the toxins as well as more mature birds.

“There is no need to call law enforcement about these birds as they should sober up within a short period of time,” Techar wrote.

While the police department doesn’t plan to start issuing charges to the boozy birds, Gilbert police specifically asked (yes, really) that people call the department if they see any of the following:

  • Heckle and Jeckle walking around being boisterous or playing practical jokes.
  • Woodstock pushing Snoopy off the doghouse for no apparent reason.
  • The Roadrunner jumping in and out of traffic on Main Street.
  • Bigbird operating a motor vehicle in an unsafe manner.
  • Angry Birds laughing and giggling uncontrollably and appearing to be happy.
  • Tweety acting as if 10 feet tall and getting into confrontations with cats.
  • Any other birds after midnight with Taco Bell items.